Want to develop your character? Write a Dating Profile

canstockphoto15012604Run a Google search for “character profiles” and you’ll pull-up lot’s of character worksheets and questionnaires. Some of them are really basic, asking your character’s favorite color or if he ever had a pet. Others delve into character background – sometimes tracing steps all the way back to the character’s immigrant great, great grandparents.

But what if we took a real world approach to character profiles?

Stay with me, as this may sound crazy — but dating websites are designed to ask questions that allow other people to really get to know you. They’re geared toward real people, and you want your characters to be as real as possible. So, what if you turn the profile around and answer questions in the head of your protagonist (or antagonist or love interest or whoever). You’ll really get to know that character, and probably discover some new, surprising things in the process.

Here are some sample questions from an eHarmony profile:

  • Other than appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
  • What are your three BEST life skills?
  • Four things your friends say you are…
  • What are five things you “can’t live without?”
  • What are you most passionate about?
  • What are three things for which you are most thankful?
  • What is the ONE thing that people DON’T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

These questions (and many more found in a good dating questionnaire) go beyond the basic height, weight and hair color descriptions found on generic character profiles, and really ask for a deeper-level understanding. Spend time thinking about the answers and it will directly influence your writing of character reactions and dialog. It will also subtly weave descriptions and imagery that lead your reader to say, “That character was soooooo real!”

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The murder must always be believable

canstockphoto1131704I just finished reading a mystery novel in which a wife was pushed over the side of a cliff while trying to reconcile with her estranged husband. The husband was the obvious suspect, but in the end it turned out to be her jealous, wheelchair-bound sister who actually committed the crime. I can’t even begin to tell you how much this frustrated me.

The crime must always be believable. If not, the entire story unravels and bags of burning dog poop should be left on the author’s doorstep. And, in this case, the resolution to the mystery borders on criminally ridiculous. How would the jealous, wheelchair-bound sister get up to the mountain cliff in the first place? And even if she could somehow get there, how could she knock her sister over without the estranged husband seeing it? And how did she not leave tire marks behind?

The author was making the least likely character turn-out to be the murderer, and I’ll admit I didn’t guess the ending. But that reveal left a lot of questions on the table. While the motive made sense — jealousy — the means and opportunity aren’t plausible. The physics of the murder don’t make sense.

So, the lesson here is, all the little details of the murder (the how, where, and why) have to come together cohesively. It’s the missing puzzle piece that must fit perfectly to complete the puzzle.  Your reader will feel cheated if the crime is not something that could really happen.

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Inexperienced Evil: “Will the Real Bad Guy Please Stand Up?”

canstockphoto18799595Hey JC,

I read your post about Seven Archetypes to Create a ViIlain and I want to ask you a question.

One of my antagonists is not quite out there evil, unlike a lot of antagonists in books where you know right off they’re evil (e.g. Cruella de Vil. Darth Vader. Hannibal Lector. It was obvious that they were evil from the very beginning) but I want the reader to think, “I don’t know what it is, however I don’t quite trust her”.

Any suggestions on how to write such a character?

Just to give an example of what I’m talking about, if anyone saw the original Friday The 13th, when you first see Mrs. Voorhees she does not seem like an antagonist until she talks about her son, Jason.

Sincerely,
Inexperienced Evil

Dear Inexperienced,

What genre are you writing? I’m guessing it’s more in the suspense-thriller category rather than a mystery. Either way, the best villains are those who think they’re the hero. They believe their cause is just, and maybe in the beginning of the story it is. However, as the plot moves forward, the villain continues to take his actions to the next level and loses sight of who he is hurting in the pursuit of his goal.

I’d start with the Protagonist and Antagonist possibly being on the same side, maybe even being friends. As the plot forces the two apart, the Antagonist will take a stronger, more aggressive approach to the situation. This approach will conflict with the Protagonist’s principals and ideals, creating conflict. I read a story once about two environmentalists who were trying to protect a forest from loggers.

In a mystery, the Antagonist’s identity is a secret until the very end. Several genuine clues will be dropped here and there that a perceptive reader may pick-up. Referring to your example, the original Friday the 13th was a mystery to some degree, in that the audience thought Jason was committing the murders. The mother explains that he drowned, giving the audience the impression the teens were being pursued by his ghost. Then in the end it is revealed that the mother was actually dressing up as her son and killing the teens. That type of story requires a red herring (who the reader/audience believes is the killer) and a hidden murderer revealed in the end of the book..

Good luck and keep writing.

JC

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Got a question for me? Hit the contact button at the top and send me an email. Or do you disagree with my advice? Let me know in the comments. How would you respond to Inexperienced Evil’s problem?

ROUND UP THE (UN)USUAL SUSPECTS …

SuspectEvery suspect is hiding a secret. Let me repeat for emphasis: EVERY SUSPECT IS HIDING A SECRET. It’s just that only one of them is hiding THE secret. The others don’t want your hero uncovering that they’ve stolen family heirlooms, was responsible for the happy couple’s break-up, dealing drugs, burned down the school building, pirating cable TV. Part of the fun of reading a murder mystery is unraveling the sordid lives of the suspect line-up.

So what makes a good suspect?

If ultimately the murderer is proven to have motive, means and opportunity, a viable suspect should have one or two of these attributes, but not all three. The obvious suspect will have “motive.” (She stood up in a crowded theater and announced her vow to make sure that the victim wouldn’t live to see the light of another day just hours before the murder occurred.) The suspect with “means” just happens to own the murder weapon, and the one with “opportunity” was at the wrong place at the wrong time. However, upon investigation, everyone of these attributes point to something else entirely – something that’s probably scandalous and juicy.

So how many suspects should be standing in the line-up?

That can be a little tricky. There’s got to be enough suspects to ensure that the murderer’s identity is a surprise, but not so many that the poor, confused reader can’t keep up. Three is the minimum (see above) but, if the story calls for it, that line-up can stretch to four or five.

Show me a good suspect, and I’ll show you a good liar.

At least one, if not all, should be lying through his teeth. He is feeding the sleuth (and the reader) false information that leads them looking in the wrong direction. Obviously he’s lying to keep a secret hidden, but could also be protecting a reputation or a family member. Protection makes a believable motive for deception. And, when his lie is revealed, it makes a great twist in the book and places this suspect in the spotlight.

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What makes a good murderer?

canstockphoto2807516You know that dramatic reveal at the end of a good mystery where the sleuth explains who committed the murder and why?  **SHOCKER!** The author had all those details worked out well before the first page. A good mystery writer begins the book knowing the murderer’s method, motive and opportunity. And all those elements must logically add up, else readers will be very unforgiving – and very vocal — in reviews.

So when I’m considering a character to commit murder, these are my considerations:

Is this character obvious – or will the identity be too easy for readers to deduce? If so, I know I’m going to have a lot of work to do. The husband, for example,  is naturally Suspect #1 in his wife’s murder – and it’s okay if he turns out to be the one who did it – but there better be a lot of doubt in the reader’s mind.

Is the character physically capable of committing the murder? That doesn’t just mean physically – which he or she must be – but also emotionally. The murder must fit the murderer.

Does the motive make sense and is it believable? Granted, there is a certain allowance for suspension of disbelief in all murder mysteries, but the motive must still carry some weight.  A good mystery is telling two stories: the one on the surface – which your sleuth is engaged in solving – and a darker, hidden story buried between the lines. That story must be equally engaging.

Does this character impact the story (besides being the catalyst) and leave an impression on the reader? The murderer doesn’t have to be a main character, but should at least be a supporting role throughout the book. There’s two things you can’t do – introduce the murderer at the beginning of the book to never be mentioned again or introduce the murderer in the last quarter of the book. Both of those strategies are cheating. The murderer must be visible, interacting with the main characters of the book and known by the reader fairly early in the story.

Even if the answers to a couple of these questions are no, I may move ahead with my plot—but I know that I still have a lot of work to do. Still, if the character just doesn’t feel right, I might explore motives for the other character. In Prey of Desire, the identity of the original murderer changed for the better. Both characters were still in the book, but only one character brought all the elements together for a good murder mystery.

Zealous Zodiac Characteristics: Basic Character Templates

canstockphoto11107671Sometimes when creating characters, it helps to begin with a character template. There’s a great set of character traits described in the Zodiac. Each sign has specific personality traits that describe who a person is and the type of emotions they are likely to display.

Capricorn

A Capricorn is hardworking, responsible, reliable, loyal, sincere and has a strong will power. They also tend to be introverted, slightly obstinate, short tempered and have difficulty accepting authority. Capricorns are very calm individuals. They do not become agitated easily. Capricorns like being leaders in the workplace and they do not take orders from others well at all. You may find a Capricorn unleashing a sharp tongue lashing if you try to take control of a project. In matters of the heart, Capricorns are very romantic. Dinners by candlelight and flowers for no reason are qualities you can expect from a Capricorn. Capricorns like to be wanted and needed.

Aquarius

Aquarius is friendly, affable, intelligent, kind, compassionate and practical. Weaknesses of the Aquarius are being unpredictable, adamant, dislike towards making commitments and hating adhering to conventions. Aquarius are generally soft spoken but can demonstrate the ability to change up now and again. They love things that are new and enjoy experimenting with new ideas and concepts. Creativity flows through their veins. Aquarius tend to have a large number of friends though normally not many close or best buddies. They are friendly and nice and enjoy being around other people. Their flighty and ever-changing personality make getting close with an Aquarius next to impossible. One minute you may be an Aquarius’ best friend and the next just someone who is in the way.

Pisces

Strengths of the Pisces include being intuitive, empathetic, uninterested in material things and having a sharp memory. Weaknesses of the Pisces include being emotional or sensitive, and prone to wistfulness, mood swings and inflexibility. Greed in not a quality Pisces possess. They are not materialistic people. Pisces are well aware of how the world works but they also know their place. Pisces either run with the flow of the people around them or they run against it. They are either one extreme or the other there is no in between. Pisces are calm and cool and rarely lose their tempers. Pisces can charm your socks off without blinking an eye. In the event of troubling situations, Pisces have the ability to remain calm and rational. They think through situations rather than through reacting impulsively. Pisces are great lovers of music and art. You may find a Pisces in an orchestra or crafting a new picture for an art gallery. Pisces try to help everyone around them. They dislike their friends being unhappy and they will bend over backwards to be helpful.

Aries

Adventurous, energetic, courageous, and confident are the strengths of Aries. Weaknesses include being self-centered, short-tempered, impulsive, and impatient. Aries are known to be friendly and outgoing people. You would notice an Aries in a room full of people since they would be the ones talking and introducing themselves. Aries stand up for what they believe in. You will find them rooting for the underdog or defending and assisting those with weaker personality traits. Aries only are aware of their wants and needs. They are not selfish they just don’t always realize they are putting someone else out.Though an Aries can be pushed to have a temper, it normally won’t last long. Seldom will you come across an Aries that holds a grudge. Forgive and forget is a motto most Aries live by.

Taurus

The Bull symbolizes strong and silent, and this is exactly how a Taurus is said to be. Until you really get to know a Taurus you will probably not see his or her true self. Strengths of Taurus include being compassionate, dependable, loyal, reliable, and also being strong both physically and emotionally. Stubbornness, aggressiveness, sensitivity and a dislike when faced with change are all weaknesses associated with a Taurus. Taurus are very stubborn individuals and once their minds are made up, swaying them even a little is next to impossible. If you do not try to push, Taurus folks will come across as being laid back and reserved. Take heed though because if you anger a Taurus, it is likely that you might find a violent temper. However, Taurus tempers generally will not flare until they are pushed. Taurus make wonderful friends, and whenever you need them they will certainly be some of the first ones there. Taurus know exactly how to brighten the day of friends in need. Don’t count on a Taurus ever calling on you to return the favor. They are very in tune with their emotions and rarely display them. Taurus are loyal and will stand beside a friend until the bitter end.

Gemini

Jovial, good communication skills, inquisitiveness and flexibility are all strengths of the Gemini. Weaknesses of the Gemini include selfishness, restlessness, confusing personalities and difficulty being on time. Gemini change their minds as often as they change their underwear. Boredom quickly makes a Gemini turn and look for other avenues of excitement and entertainment. Gemini have little to no patience. Ironically, they do not flourish in environments where indecisive people are present. Gemini can talk themselves in and out of a situation all in the same breath. They do not stay in one place too long. In most disagreements, Gemini will come out the victor with an extraordinary ability to use words in their favor. Falling in love with a Gemini can be exciting and dangerous. With their dual personalities Gemini keep their love life spicy. In matters of the heart, hang on tight because you are in for an ever-changing ride. Don’t hold them to a time schedule as something can catch their eye and cause them to be late in a heartbeat.

Cancer

Cancer strengths are adaptability, loyalty, genuine attachment to a family, and empathy. Weaknesses of Cancer include moodiness, sensitivity, and emotional outbursts and indecisiveness. People assigned the sign of Cancer are genuinely moody and have ever changing emotions. One minute they may be laughing and having a good time and the next minute you may find them mad at the world. No one single emotion or personality can label a Cancer. Cancer will often masquerade their emotions with humor. Laughing is a common disguise used by Cancer to hide signs of depression. Cancer will set their aspirations high. Constant struggles for success and achievement lay beneath the exterior shell of Cancer.

Leo

Strengths of a Leo include kindness, big-heartedness, an energetic nature, optimism, honesty and loyalty. The weaknesses of a Leo are prone to jealousy, possessiveness, egotism or a more dominating personality. Leos dislike being bored and enjoy being around many people as they are at home playing the role of a leader. When Leos love, they love with all their hearts, and they take what they believe is theirs. They enjoy dishing out tons of advice and they expect that you should heed their advice as truth. The best way to tame the proud lion is to feed into their opinion of themselves. You can easily have the roaring lion eating out of the palm of your hand with kind words and praise. A Leo will tell it like it is – always. They have difficulty holding their tongues whether they are right or not. Leos will mean what they say and say what they mean. They speak their opinion whether you want to hear it or not so be prepared. Leo prospers most when in a loving relationship. You will rarely find a Leo alone. Leos automatically take on the leading role in a relationship even though they may complain now and again about having too much responsibility. They really do not feel that way they just growl now and again.

Virgo

Strengths of Virgo are perfectionist, realistic, practical, dependable, sincere and patient. Weaknesses of Virgo include being way too critical, restless, and they lack demonstrativeness and tend to push themselves too much. Virgo also tend to be quiet and family oriented people. Though you may notice a Virgo quietly off to the side, you can bet that he or she is simply taking in the details of every little thing. Virgos do not often put themselves in crowded situations, as they prefer to socialize one on one. Virgos are perfectionists meaning everything has its place. Virgos live in reality and seldom daydream. They take life for what it is and don’t set themselves up for disappointment. Virgos are workaholics and even in their work they expect and demand perfection from themselves. From their clothes to their homes, everything must be perfect. Much time is spent worrying about whether things are correct. Virgos are tidy and neat freaks. Dirt and sloppiness can cause a Virgo to offer a harsh tongue-lashing. A Virgo can also be a wonderful friend. Knowing what to say and when to say it is a trait most Virgos possess.

Libra

The strengths of a Libra are patience, balance, gregarious, loving, affectionate, cheerful, energetic and a social nature. Weaknesses of the Libra include indecisiveness, carelessness, prone to indulgence, and being overly emotional and sensitive. You will find a Libra to be extremely nice and polite. Libras love being around people and often serve as mediators between quarreling parties. A Libra will most always appear cheerful. Libras are very independent individuals and do not take orders well. Libras are intelligent and excellent listeners. They can also be naive and restless. Libras are often as confused as the people surrounding them by their wishy-washy traits. A Libra can bring laughter to the dreariest of circumstances. They are happiest when the people surrounding them are happy as well. They do not like for friends to be sad or upset. Libras take their time weighing pros and cons of a decision before committing one way or the other.

Scorpio

Strengths of the Scorpio include loyalty, trustworthiness, passionate, charismatic, mystifying, caring and patience. Weaknesses of Scorpio are stubbornness, becoming jealous easily, and being overly sensitive and egotistical. Scorpios have the ability to appear as though they are staring through people. Their gaze seems to penetrate the outer body and see directly into the soul. Scorpios have large egos and can stand on their own. Once they get something in their heads they can’t rest until they finish the task. Scorpios rarely let their emotions surface. They possess a sense of knowing when they are right and when they are wrong. Rarely will you notice a Scorpio playing bashful or shy. If you want an honest opinion about anything ask a Scorpio. Brutal honesty is a feature they cannot help but offer.Scorpios love with their complete hearts, but they have no tolerance for unfaithfulness. Questioning their own worth causes Scorpios to be very jealous and overly possessive especially in matters of the heart. They will stand beside the ones they love come what may, through thick and thin. You could not ask for a more loyal friend.

Sagittarius

Strengths of the Sagittarius include honesty, forthrightness, lightheartedness, intellectualism, and possession of excellent communication skills. Weaknesses of the Sagittarius are sharp tongue, prone to change, restlessness and a flirtatious nature. Sagittarius have a way with words like no other. They try to come across nice and friendly but normally end up hurting the feelings of others or just downright annoying others. They are not at all gifted with a talent for dishing out compliments. Most often compliments will come out more like insults and any attempts to correct misunderstandings are futile. Sagittarius are animal lovers and are most always the ones apt to take in homeless and stray animals that no one else would think about touching. They will nurture these outcasts back to health and prove they can be wonderful pets. Decisions of the heart take Sagittarius some time to make. They fall in love easily, but do not love lightly. A long internal struggle goes on inside the head of a Sagittarius before a decision related to commitment can be arrived at.

 

 

Unlawful Behavior: Just how bad is your bad guy?

canstockphoto9774163Unlawful behavior is a violation of the laws of a civilized society. In every society, a code of behavior exists that governs right from wrong. Behavior that violates that code of is considered an unlawful act.

Many different codes and systems exist for regulating behavior. Some countries, such as the United States and United Kingdom, operate on a common law system. Other countries, such as France, operate on a civil law system.

Under a common legal system, the law is developed by judges through decisions of the courts. The legislature or executive branch can pass formal statutory laws, which are written laws published in code books. Judges can also make law in the form of case law, which means that when a judge sets forth a rule, that rule applies in other cases as well.

In a civil legal system, all legislation is codified into a referable system which serves as the primary source of law. Only this written formal law is enforced.

Just how bad is your bad guy?

  • Armed robbery
  • Arson
  • Art theft
  • Assault
  • Bribery
  • Burglary
  • Child endangerment
  • Computer theft
  • Computer hacking
  • Conspiracy
  • Counterfeiting
  • Drug trafficking
  • Embezzlement
  • Extortion
  • Forgery
  • Fraud
  • Gambling
  • Hijacking
  • Homicide / murder
  • Identity Theft
  • Kidnapping
  • Larceny
  • Loan Sharking
  • Piracy
  • Prostitution
  • Racketeering
  • Rape
  • Robbery
  • Slavery
  • Smuggling

 

Bad Guys: the whole point of the mystery

canstockphoto4156898Within the logical scene sequence of a mystery novel, a murder is discovered, the sleuth arrives on scene to investigate and then the murderer’s identity is revealed at the end. But behind the scene (both figuratively and literally) the criminal has been there since the beginning. Unseen by both the sleuth and the reader, the criminal is actually driving the story.

That’s a pretty hefty role for your Antagonist to shoulder. And if you’re going to write a really good mystery, you better have a really good bad guy.

So who exactly is your murderer? Criminals generally fall into one of the categories below?

  • Amateur – generally commit crimes of opportunity; little thought and relatively no planning goes into how the crime will be committed; they are often emotional and live in close proximity to the crime scene. Think crimes of passion.
  • Professional – conduct detailed planning, carry out reconnaissance, and often have access to weapons & technology. They generally specialize, such as high level burglary, art theft, jewel theft, armored car robberies, and assassinations. Also, the professional may have received some form of training, perhaps within the military, prison system or overseas terrorist camps.
  • Blue-Collar – their crimes are often blamed on job loss and a bad economy. Nevertheless, these criminals make our streets unsafe. Blue-Collar Crimes often include kidnapping, shoplifting, vandalism and rape.
  • White-Collar –  financially motivated nonviolent crime committed by business and government professionals. These criminals are people of respectability and high social status, and their criminal activity includes fraud, bribery, Ponzi schemes, insider trading, embezzlement,cyber-crime, money laundering, identity theft, and forgery.
  • Organized Crime – International, national, or local groups of highly centralized enterprises run by criminals, who intend to engage in illegal activity, most commonly for monetary profit. Sometimes criminal organizations force people to do business with them, as when a gang extorts money from shopkeepers for so-called “protection” or motivate a private citizen to do their bidding under threat of harm to a family member or loved one
  • Street Gangs – A group with identifiable leadership and internal organization, identifying with or claiming control over territory in a community, and engaging in violent or other forms of illegal behavior. Members often have to prove their loyalty by committing acts such as theft or violence
  • Psychotic – an abnormal condition of the mind, and is a generic psychiatric term for a mental state often described as involving a “loss of contact with reality.” A psychotic just “snaps” and murders his family, or his pastor’s family, or shoots kids on campus from a clock tower.
  • Serial – a person who commits a series of two or more murders, as separate events over a period of time, with a cooling off period between the murders. The motivation for killing is usually based on psychological gratification. Hello, Hannibal Lector.

Want more information? Check out:

Seven Archetypes to Create a Memorable Villain

Even Hitler Loved His Dogs: Bad Guys with Good Motives

 

Hiding the Murderer in Your Mystery Novel

canstockphoto5658206A murder mystery is a tightly layered, often complicated plot — but it can’t read that way. The mystery has to unfold scene by scene, leading the reader from suspect to suspect, motive to motive.

So how do you create viable suspects while planting clues to the real murderer throughout the plot?

Obviously, I start with a detailed outline. But, beyond that I personally write in layers. The first layer, Draft One, is the plot at its most simplistic. It features the Victim, the Murderer and the Sleuth. I leave out all other suspects and subplots at this point, and just focus on the story’s core. This is a critical step, as I’m writing the mystery’s foundation. And, it must be solid. The murderer must have motive, means and opportunity. The act of murder must make sense. The Murder’s relationship to the victim is developed. The major clues pointing to the Murderer’s identity are placed. And the Sleuth’s unraveling of the Murderer’s deception is written. Really, there is no mystery at this stage. When this initial draft is completed, it’s pretty obvious who the Murderer is, and there’s a lot of scenes in this draft that won’t make it to the final version. They’re written just for me, the all-seeing, all-knowing author. That’s why no one ever, EVER reads Draft One.

Next, I take Suspect #1 and tell his story. He generally has motive and means, or motive and opportunity. Weaving Suspect #1’s plot into Draft One, I expect the introduction (or focus) on the character to push the story off into a new direction. It has to, as Suspect #1 is a distraction from Murderer. Scenes are rewritten, as they are impacted by the suspicious behavior of Suspect #1. Many of the Murderer’s scenes in Draft 1 are eliminated, as those actions are now happening in the background. Sometimes the best clue is in what’s missing, and not in what’s presented. Finally, once this plot is completely interwoven, I have a completed Draft Two. You’re still not going to read it.

Drafts Three and Four incorporate Suspects #3 and #4, respectively. They generally have secrets to hide, and could have plausibly murdered the Victim. However, a sharp reader will notice that they don’t have a motive, or means, or opportunity. As their plots develop, and the story evolves with these added characters, the over-all mystery deepens, and the true Murderer gets buried within its pages. The murderer is never invisible though; he’s just no longer obvious. And, nope, you still don’t get to read it. So stop asking.

With a Fifth Draft, I add the irrelevant but juicy subplots. These light plots generally focus on character development. This where the romance heats up, the drinking problems surface, and romantic entanglements complicate the character’s lives. I love this stage because this is where I get to shrug off the formulaic structure of the genre and have fun. These subplots create further opportunities to overshadow all those clues to the Murderer just sitting there, waiting to be discovered. And, the more emotional the scenes are, the more delicious the misdirection.

At this point, I let a select few read the manuscript, but it’s far from finished. Though it needs to be scrubbed, the mystery is in place: a murder has been committed, the sleuth enters because the killer, unseen by both the sleuth and the reader, has already been there, and the suspects are in place, all holding up billboards screaming, “Look at me! Look at me!”

Creating your Heroine by finding your inner Madonna

1sbdcwPgu0HlOver the weekend, I was searching the net for character ideas, and was hoping to pattern an under-developed heroine around the personality of an established celebrity. That’s when I came across this interesting quiz on a blog titled “What Madonna Are You?

I was surprised to find so many interesting personality profiles attached to one person. Obviously, Madonna changes her image and hair color with every new album, but I never noticed the personality diversity. It’s astonishing to see how different one persona has been from another, and I realized there’s a treasure trove of personality arch types here. I think you could pull three individual characters from this list into one book, and no one would ever realize they were all patterned off the Material Girl.

If you’re looking for inspiration for a female character, take a look through the list below. And, for anyone who’s curious, it turns out that I’m the “No Pants Madonna.” Who knew?

v8H4B0JpkaVlmadonna_quizWqxWCm3hl2ul1sbdcwPgu0HlZQCKhOTAZoAl367vtMIOuFildUfYy2hmEaplRl-_gApa1Nul